Monthly Archives: February 2019
Does anyone else find it challenging to get their children to brush their teeth – along with a lot of other simple and necessary tasks?
A few mornings ago our six-year-old was in full resistance mode about brushing her teeth. She just could not understand why it was necessary to brush when it would all be undone by eating in a few hours. She plead her case to her mom. She stated it again. It just didn’t make any sense to her. “What’s the point?”, she complained.
Her patient mom had decided enough was enough, and forcefully commanded that she go brush her teeth or else. And so our reluctant six-year-old moped toward the bathroom, like a teenager with shoulders slouched forward, to do the senseless act – the act of brushing her teeth.
On her way from one end of the house to the other, I stopped her and asked her to talk to me. I asked why she did not want to obey her mom. She put forth her best argument, and I listened. Then I asked her: “Don’t you think we have good reasons for asking you to brush your teeth?” She wasn’t sure we did.
I explained to her that she had been sleeping all night and that there were things in her mouth, that if not brushed out, would create little holes in her teeth. Those little holes would need to be drilled out, and to drill them out, she would need to have a shot to numb her mouth. And all of this would cost us money that would be better used for other, more enjoyable things. I concluded our conversation by showing her the fillings in my teeth and asked: “You don’t want fillings like daddy, do you? Do you see we are trying to help you by asking you to brush your teeth?”
Having appeared to be persuaded by my reasons, she went to the bathroom with shoulders up and brushed her teeth.
So what’s the point of sharing this little experience?
Well, I am not saying we have to formulate careful and coherent arguments for every act of obedience we command, but one of the things I am learning about parenting is that most of the time children respond well when we give them reasons for our expectations. When we take the time to do this, it also teaches them how to think and communicate. We are helping them develop and grow as a person, and we are helping them see that we know and want what is best for them. We are earning their trust.
Sometimes its necessary to demand obedience because “I told you so and I am the parent.” But perhaps taking an extra five minutes to explain the “why” would be beneficial to child and parent.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert on this topic. I have one teenager and he is in his first year of teen-aging. Check back with me in fourteen years when my youngest exits the up-and-down teen years, and I might have some different ideas. I might retract much of what I have written. Having said that, I am am trying to be intentional and experimenting with ways to help my son think biblically and trust Jesus. With the help of my wife and church, I am taking seriously the biblical responsibility to teach my children to trust and obey Christ in all of life.
Here’s what I have been trying and thinking:
- The gospel must be ultimate in everything. For example, whether I fail or my children fail, I want to maximize the use of that failure and point them to why the gospel is so precious and why we need Jesus so much. I am a 43-year-old man who still has moments of failure and sin and Jesus is my only hope in life and death. Further, the gospel empowers me to seek forgiveness from those I fail and sin against. I don’t need to act like I am perfect because Jesus has dealt with my sins once for all. I can ask for forgiveness because I have forgiveness. As parents, we must relate to our children like the gospel is real and all-important.
- Guard against being overbearing about everything. Honestly, I don’t like the music my son listens to. Some of my reasons are preference and some are substantive. Music was an idol that redirected my affections away from God when I was a teenager. But telling him to “turn that junk off” is probably not the best tactic. Instead, I have found that thoughtful conversations about what he is listening to is a better approach. We have talked about the truth that God makes all music possible in the way he has designed the creation. We have talked about the yearning of people that is communicated in their lyrical proclamation. We have talked about the obvious deviation from God’s design when it is apparent. There are some things a parent has to be firm about with an unequivocal stance, but coming down with an iron fist on everything is not winsome. As parents, we must choose carefully which hills we are willing to die on. And perhaps just as important, we must be wise about how we fight for those hills.
- Regularly expose them to intelligent and thoughtful Christians like Albert Mohler so that they can develop a robust Christian Worldview. Recently, when in the car, I have been listening to a lot of sports-talk, a little NPR and a bit of Petra. My teenager, however, likes to try to take over the radio when he is with me and listen to the classic rock station. I am willing to accommodate him most times-if he politely asks. But for the last several weeks, we have intentionally been listening to The Briefing Podcast with Albert Mohler while we make our ten minute commute from home to the school. Mohler summarizes recent national stories and then carefully articulates a Christian worldview in response. It’s been very encouraging to observe my son listening intently and commenting thoughtfully to important issues being discussed in a biblically coherent way. Some of our best conversations have been happening as we listen together and pause to discuss or understand what is being said. As parents we must intentionally expose our children to winsome and wise people who are interacting with the most important issues of our day.
- Make every effort to be consistent. Developing sustainable patterns in life and and in the home is critically important. For instance, my wife and I strive to have a regular family worship time. It’s not easy, but it gets easier with consistency. Training takes disciplined repetition. WE try to have a regular time of abiding in Christ for our own joy, but also to model what we hope our children will eventually do. I try to consistently praise my wife in front of my children. We effort to talk to them the way we want them to talk to others. A general rule of life is: what we believe to be important is what gets done consistently. As parents, we must create convictional consistency.
I have witnessed fruit from these four strategic ideas. I am not perfect at them, but by the grace of God, I am trying to get better. As parents, our job is to be faithful, but faithfulness means we have some idea about what we are doing to be faithful. What strategies are you intentionally employing to help your children follow Jesus? As parents, we must have strategies that we are convinced will help our children follow Jesus. It’s our divinely mandated responsibility (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Psalm 78:1-8; Ephesians 6:1-2).
WHY READ THE BIBLE?
Spiritual disciplines (Bible reading, prayer, fasting, evangelism, etc.) are not about making you more precious to God. Jesus alone accomplished that with His perfect life, substitutionary death and glorious resurrection. Spiritual disciplines are a means by which God becomes more precious to you. They are a means of enjoying God.
Reading the Bible is the way we taste and see that the Lord is good (Ps. 34:8). You should read the Bible to nourish your soul by filling it with the Spirit-inspired word. Read the Bible to know God more and enjoy Him forever. If you are in Christ, then you are precious to God. Is He precious to you?
7 WAYS TO ENJOY THE GREATEST BENEFIT FROM GOD’S WORD
- You need a reasonable and systematic plan. Many Christians suffer from cherry-picking the Bible, which results in spiritual imbalance. It’s easy to see why Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 4:13 are popular, but those verses have a context. And when we neglect the context, we neglect what God is fully saying. We need the whole counsel of God of to enjoy God to the full.
- You must carve out adequate and consistent time to chew on God’s word. 5 minutes with God’s word won’t cut it.
- You need the Holy Spirit’s help to illumine the truth to your mind and heart. Admit your need and ask God to help you see the goodness of God’s word.
- You need to know what God’s word means. Study God’s word, don’t just devotional-ize it. Use a good study Bible to check your conclusions.
- You need to meditate on God’s word. This means that you slow down and ask questions, dwell on it, think over it so as to apply it. Slow down and ponder God’s word. It’s better to read a little slowly, than to read a lot in a hurry.
- You need to respond in prayer. Take the most penetrating truth and PRAY it. P – Praise God. R – Repent. A – Ask God. Y – Yield to God.
- You need to obey God’s word. Do not merely be a reader and a hearer, but be a doer (James 1:22). Learn to experience the blessing of trusting God’s word enough to obey God’s word.
God gave us a book to capture His timeless truth so that we might know and enjoy God. For God’s glory, your good and the good of others, you need regular Bible intake.