What We’ve Lost and Gained by Adopting

We talked about adopting for years and we wanted to adopt before I got really old. I didn’t want a teenager in the house after 60. So we prayed and we decided to go for it. I thought surely we wouldn’t be chosen for months, but God had other plans and we received a call within the week about meeting a birth mom who was considering adoption. We met the birth mom and her mom in November in Tulsa, and now we have a precious little baby girl living with us, as we wait to legally make her ours permanently.

So trying to wrap my mind around everything, Lacey and I discussed in a recent car ride what we have gained and what we have lost in the process of adopting Bella Faith. Here’s what we came up with:

What We’ve Lost

• We’ve lost sleep. Bella is a good sleeper but she seems to like to be awake at inconvenient times, namely when Lacey and I should be sleeping. Thanks to my wife who absorbs most of the sleep loss.
• We’ve lost money and will spend money. Adoptions cost money. Little people cost money. Formula and diapers don’t last long. Also, I suppose I should start saving for the prom and the wedding – according to my wife.
• We’ve lost future income. By agreeing to use the adoption agency we used, we also agreed that Lacey would stay home and not take a job outside the home until Bella turns five-years-old. This means a few financial goals of mine will have to wait.
• We’ve lost weight.  Well, Lacey has.
• Lacey has lost the car war. Now you know why we have a “swagger wagon.” Lacey gave up her car pride to adopt little Bella.
• We’ve lost privacy. Adoption requires that we tell a person who does a “home study”, almost everything about our lives. Additionally, we have opened up our lives to a whole other family.
• We’ve lost the completion of potty training and bath time. Luke and Elijah can now brush their own teeth, wipe their own behinds and bathe themselves. Now we are starting over.

What We’ve Gained

What we’ve lost begs the question whether adoption is worth it. Is it worth the loss and trouble? See what you think?

• We’ve gained a daughter. Children are blessing from the Lord.
• We’ve gained a disciple to be made. Jesus said for us to make disciples and that responsibility starts in the home. Bella will get a heavy dose of the whole gospel of Jesus Christ.
• We’ve gained more family. Faith, Bella’s birth mom has become like a sister to us. We love her and want what is best for her. Because this is an open adoption we have gained lots of new family who will continue to be a part of Bella’s life.
• We’ve gained the testimony of being pro-life. We have for a long time defended the right to life for the unborn, but doing something about it gives us credibility because we have become a part of the solution.
• We’ve gained the experience of being blessed by our church family. The prayer, encouragement and monetary support have been overwhelming. We truly have been loved by those who have supported us.
• We’ve gained the joy of a newborn. Yes, she poops a lot and wakes up at inconvenient times, but I love to look at her – even when she does nothing but lay there. I see her and I see the glory of God in creation. I see intricate detail and someone that is fearfully and wonderfully made, and my heart fills with joy.
• We’ve gained important life lessons for our two sons. What an opportunity to teach our sons about making sacrifices for others. What an opportunity to teach them respect for little girls and to learn to protect their little sister. What a lesson on sharing with someone our life.
• We’ve gained the opportunity to make it hard on suitors. I’m really looking forward to this, and I want myself and my sons to set such an example of what a gospel-centered man should be, that Bella will have great expectations for the man who seeks to win her heart and make a covenant to her before God.
• We’ve gained a deeper understanding of what Jesus has done for us (Romans 8:14-16; Galatians 4:4-6). We have been adopted through Jesus Christ and I see this adoption teaching us about this for years to come. What is the gospel and what must I do to be saved, and therefore adopted by God through Jesus?

Much more could be said in both categories, but you tell me; is it worth it? In this world there will be loss and trouble (John 16:33), but Jesus has modeled for us that we are to embrace the loss for that which cannot be taken away. Sometimes to lose is to gain (Matthew 16:24-28) and I don’t think in the grand scheme of things, we have lost a thing.